How do you fix everything?
If you know you’re in a hole, how do you get out of it?
How does everyone else have it all figured out?
Just keep your arms around me and I won’t let your body touch…
I won’t let it touch the ground.
Just keep your eyes on me, and let me be your gravity.
I know who I am and what I want. I know what I’ve been through and what I have to offer. I know what I bring to the table. I know what my destination is (not where or who, only what). I know what I want from you (general you).
I want so badly to be able to elaborate on this, to write myself out in words so clear that everyone who reads this will KNOW me. I also know that this is not possible, and I accept it for what it is.
I live a very quiet existence, one where I feel all of these feelings that make perfect sense, but the feelings don’t speak, they don’t explain themselves, and I can’t write them down. I sometimes envy those who can put it all on paper or canvas, while I struggle to answer a simple, “How are you?”
Although I lack eloquence and clarity, one thing is as solid and real as it’s ever going to be: I know me.
And the God’s honest truth (truth that is as honest as I can let myself be, truth that lets you into my soul) is that I believe that there is someone out there (someone that exists, with a family and friends and history and scars and stories) who wants to know me. I believe that, when it’s real, I won’t have to define myself in clear and easy-to-understand words. I believe that person will want to learn and want to understand.
I believe that things shouldn’t be so complicated. At the same time, I believe that things that are worth it are worth fighting for.
Here’s to wishful thinking.
I want to be seen, not just looked at.
I want to be heard, not just listened to.
I want to be more than who I settle for.
I want to live without fear of failure.
Scratch that—I want to LIVE.
I want to be me again.